if it were not for the fact that you are part of God's incredible creation,
His finely-tuned ecosystem,
and that God upholds you in Scripture as an example of hard work
--presumably for your ability to invade precious treats brought over from America,
every dish left for more than ten minutes, and some less,
and to run over my body so many moments during the day in your endeavors for food--
I would be delighted if you vanished from the earth.
your swiftness, ingenuity, prolific nature, constant presence, and persistence
amaze and thoroughly disgust me.
If I go into my kitchen, you are there;
if I go into the depths of my school room, you are there.
In my bedroom and bathroom, you are there.
As it is, I am trusting that God has good reasons why you so thoroughly infest my house
in such a surprising, embarrassing, and skin-crawling variety of species.
Thank you for increasing my faith in God's masterful plan
and my perseverance as I try to annihilate all of you residing in my home
without compromising my principles of good character.
May the best woman win.